Regine Allison Claire: Author of YA Fiction

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Poetry Post: Platform

Platform

In a blink
you are gone with the whistle
and today’s glory drowns
in my heart’s sadness
as the metal rattler
full of willing
bright-eyed prey
whisks you away
into adventures unknown
claiming independence
driven by insatiable curiosity
and leaving me behind
with what once was ours


 

I wrote this poem last night as the extended form of the poem I wrote specifically to be shared on Twitter, thanks to inspiration from Heart Soup. On July 12, 2014, their prompt was #128, “Gone”, which sparked inspiration for a few poems, all very different!

This took a few turns along the way, evolving from a quick writing session that lasted a few minutes to an edited, clipped, 140-character-friendly version to what it is now: a poem that’s a few lines longer and more accurately captures what I was hoping to communicate. That 140-character thing is killer, but a great challenge which forces writers to be quick, succinct, and clever.

This was the original:

In a blink,
you are gone with the whistle.
My day drowns in the darkness
overtaking my heart
as the metal snake
whisks you away
into adventures unknown
claiming independence.

This was what I ended up posting:

You are gone with the whistle
and today drowns
in my heart’s sadness
as the metal rattler
carries you away
into adventures unknown

And above … well, that’s what I’m the most happy with. The previous versions lacked something for me so I put it in, now that I’m not restrained by character limit.

Although, this isn’t my first time with this sort of imagery. In high school, I took OAC (grade 13) Writer’s Craft, which I loved because I got to exercise my creativity instead of just writing essays. As part of it, we touched on poetry and one of my poems was this:

Pushing forward
the snake finds the tracks
to where the meal awaits

I suppose my subconscious decided that it just wasn’t done with this concept. Instead, this time, it wanted to infuse emotion (in this case, sadness of loss) into it.

(And just to clarify: I do, in fact, like snakes. It’s worms and larvae I can’t stand!!! If I start spouting poetry about them, someone stop me! Ughhhh.)

But this is all in the eye of beholder and while I prefer the longer, I know the shorter has its merits. Preferences, anyone?